To 1L's from an Upperclassman
Sam Thomason
Issue date: 11/19/09 Section: Features
I regret that I am unable to maintain my usually warm and pleasant demeanor in this missive for an outrageous act has been perpetrated upon this very campus! An act so odious and foul that even the most hardened of criminals would surely feel the stinging rebuke of eternal shame upon contemplating such a heinous misdeed. Surely, you have all heard by now that one of our despicable classmates has been arrested at a police checkpoint located in the library stairwell for possession of five point five kilograms of FUN!
The mere thought of a budding jurist daydreaming about violating the esteemed canons of our profession by acquiring this so-called 'fun' makes my blood run cold! And yet to think that not only has one of you done so, but that this individual has defiled the sacred grounds of this law school by bringing such a horrible substance upon it? Why, our ineffable predecessors - were they dead - would roll in their graves at this affront to the honor of our institution!
I warn you - do not underestimate the perils posed by fun. Imagine the shame and humiliation of having a smile upon your face instead of a studious, dour expression. The horror and the pain of finding some measure of enjoyment in life. Truly, nothing can corrupt the very essence of the law school experience, the work of this entire semester, more than fun.
We must be vigilant, lest this entertaining peril overrun us all. For guidance, we must look to our esteemed forebears. Where those despicable fun-loving hippies would have just smile and joke and laugh, we must resort to the righteous and honorable precepts that we have learned. Let us drown out their chicanery with the solemn chanting of the restatements, suppress the spring in their step with the rigid step-by-step formalism of the waltz of contract formation. Let no happy thought dare to intrude upon your studious endeavors and perhaps this horrid blight shall pass you over.
As for me, I shall see you on the other side. With luck and fortune, some of us may yet survive this plague of light-hearted amusement. I can only pray that, one day, this insufferable shame shall pass from us.
Your obed't servant,
An Upperclassman
The mere thought of a budding jurist daydreaming about violating the esteemed canons of our profession by acquiring this so-called 'fun' makes my blood run cold! And yet to think that not only has one of you done so, but that this individual has defiled the sacred grounds of this law school by bringing such a horrible substance upon it? Why, our ineffable predecessors - were they dead - would roll in their graves at this affront to the honor of our institution!
I warn you - do not underestimate the perils posed by fun. Imagine the shame and humiliation of having a smile upon your face instead of a studious, dour expression. The horror and the pain of finding some measure of enjoyment in life. Truly, nothing can corrupt the very essence of the law school experience, the work of this entire semester, more than fun.
We must be vigilant, lest this entertaining peril overrun us all. For guidance, we must look to our esteemed forebears. Where those despicable fun-loving hippies would have just smile and joke and laugh, we must resort to the righteous and honorable precepts that we have learned. Let us drown out their chicanery with the solemn chanting of the restatements, suppress the spring in their step with the rigid step-by-step formalism of the waltz of contract formation. Let no happy thought dare to intrude upon your studious endeavors and perhaps this horrid blight shall pass you over.
As for me, I shall see you on the other side. With luck and fortune, some of us may yet survive this plague of light-hearted amusement. I can only pray that, one day, this insufferable shame shall pass from us.
Your obed't servant,
An Upperclassman
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
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posted 11/30/09 @ 3:38 PM EST
It is awfull when such an unpleasant things happen.
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posted 12/08/09 @ 12:04 AM EST
I agree that people should not underestimate the perils posed by fun.
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posted 12/12/09 @ 11:27 AM EST
We must be vigilant, lest this entertaining peril overrun us all.
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