To 1L's from an Upperclassman
Sam Thomason
Issue date: 10/20/09 Section: Features
Greetings once again, dear reader!
For today's exhortation, I shall encourage to write for this most august newssheet, the Docket. As I am sure that you, my esteemed colleagues in the pursuit of THE LAW, have by now realized, there is no finer medium for personal expression than the printed word. Nothing ennobles the soul quite like the formal articulation of an intelligent and meaningful theoretical discourse into written form. For not only does it lead to the expansion of your mind's horizons, but it enables you to share your intellectual discoveries with your peers.
Yes, writing for the Docket is perhaps the surest way to edify your soul. Think for a moment if you will - how else can you express the magnificence of your own mind while simultaneously helping that of your fellow student? Imagine the vain and hollow poverty-stricken lives they lead without the shining insights that your mind possesses! Think of the good that expressing yourself on these hallowed pages will do? If not for yourself, then do so for the welfare of your fellow creatures! I say, liberate them from their pitiful ignorance - do not let them wallow in their unenlightened misery any longer!
Ah, I sense that your heart is willing to tend to thy jurisprudential brothers but lo, your mind trembles! Why is this? Because you doubt your worthiness to grace the pages of this most esteemed document? Put your mind at ease! For writing a piece worthy of submission to the Docket is quite straightforward, as a matter of fact.
All that is required is that you must BELIEVE! Do not let petty things like facts, fairness or scruples slow you down. It is enough to believe and believe forcefully. Take a position on a major issue and then inform your dedicated readers of how pernicious and vile the opposition is. For you must surely know that all who oppose you crave the flesh of innocent infants, while those that agree with you are righteous men and woman of the noblest conviction. Give no quarter, for how can a reasoning, compromise-seeking mind win any adherents? You only do yourself and your readers a grave disservice by moderating the tone of your argument from a shrill caterwauling to a more pleasant braying. Remember - anything less than an all-out offensive amounts to disgracing yourself in front of the vast and significant readership of his esteemed student newspaper.
I hope that my latest exhortation leads you to consider submitting your own wisdom to this paper.
Your humble and obed't service,
An Upper Classman.
For today's exhortation, I shall encourage to write for this most august newssheet, the Docket. As I am sure that you, my esteemed colleagues in the pursuit of THE LAW, have by now realized, there is no finer medium for personal expression than the printed word. Nothing ennobles the soul quite like the formal articulation of an intelligent and meaningful theoretical discourse into written form. For not only does it lead to the expansion of your mind's horizons, but it enables you to share your intellectual discoveries with your peers.
Yes, writing for the Docket is perhaps the surest way to edify your soul. Think for a moment if you will - how else can you express the magnificence of your own mind while simultaneously helping that of your fellow student? Imagine the vain and hollow poverty-stricken lives they lead without the shining insights that your mind possesses! Think of the good that expressing yourself on these hallowed pages will do? If not for yourself, then do so for the welfare of your fellow creatures! I say, liberate them from their pitiful ignorance - do not let them wallow in their unenlightened misery any longer!
Ah, I sense that your heart is willing to tend to thy jurisprudential brothers but lo, your mind trembles! Why is this? Because you doubt your worthiness to grace the pages of this most esteemed document? Put your mind at ease! For writing a piece worthy of submission to the Docket is quite straightforward, as a matter of fact.
All that is required is that you must BELIEVE! Do not let petty things like facts, fairness or scruples slow you down. It is enough to believe and believe forcefully. Take a position on a major issue and then inform your dedicated readers of how pernicious and vile the opposition is. For you must surely know that all who oppose you crave the flesh of innocent infants, while those that agree with you are righteous men and woman of the noblest conviction. Give no quarter, for how can a reasoning, compromise-seeking mind win any adherents? You only do yourself and your readers a grave disservice by moderating the tone of your argument from a shrill caterwauling to a more pleasant braying. Remember - anything less than an all-out offensive amounts to disgracing yourself in front of the vast and significant readership of his esteemed student newspaper.
I hope that my latest exhortation leads you to consider submitting your own wisdom to this paper.
Your humble and obed't service,
An Upper Classman.
Be the first to comment on this story